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The 5 best songs of the week
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Featuring Billy Woods, Baxter Dury, Roosevelt, MIKE, El-P, Despot, Fiona
Apple.
2 days ago
When I read this post (link up there), of donkeys years ago, last year to be exact I shivered, perhaps you did too.
The reason I shivered is because something like this happened to me too.....
I was the typical "troubled teen" in school, always looking for a reason to be different, as if I didn't have enough reasons.
Home life was rubbish and my Dad was ill, he has been a sufferer of manic depression since 23 (before I arrived). I use the word suffer deliberately as he does suffer, and he makes sure everyone around him does too.
Things came to a head for me when I was 16. I could no longer take the weight of a grown manic man's problems on my teenage shoulders. I had enough of my own, my sexuality, my general difference, my lack of confidence, my lack of trust, my list was, it seemed, endless.
I thought about death and I planned for it, and I executed it, would have succeeded too.... except someone found me (I'm sure I wanted to be found really)
My "John" is that 16 yr old,
In the days and months after, I mourned her.
She died without my ever getting to talk to her, and from that waste of life I got the strength to stand up for myself.
To keep swimming.......
Its not always easy to keep my head above water, but every hour I manage it I am glad.
This life affords me such wonderful experiences (and some pretty shit ones too) but that empty joyless fearfull parallel life that could have been has given me reason to be very grateful for her passing.
Prina is lovely and made a fab dinner.... she's pregnant and the bump is growing nicely!
She thought me a traditional Dutch breakfast on thr hoof consists of ... Krentenbrood, Pindakaas, and chocolate Hagleslag - its yum!! Hops watch out this is my new peanutbutter and jam (shit and blood as you so lovingly pronounced it)
I've been invited by the gay boys I met on Saturday to the Drag Queen Olympics (Queens Day Eve - 29th April) so that will be fun.
The Irish contingent are nice, we are trying to set up an Irish Expat Meetup group so we had the first meeting last week with 7 people there. Two came to my house on Sunday to watch movies which was nice. (even if I was dying when I woke up on Sunday morning.... as the beer here is served in half pint glasses - and during happy hour, far too many glasses... I think I drank 10 or 12 before I stopped counting... I did not however stop drinking) anyway Sunday I was dying till 3pm!!
Got my haircut.... Toni&Guy in Amsterdam, by Dutch standards 'they saw me coming' but I've paid more for a haircut I didn't like so to have them do (and agree) with exactly what I wanted was great.
Tonight I go to dinner in The Grand one of the poshest hotels in the city, very near the red-light district (go figure) the IT guys are over and I'm helping them to entertain some folks here. :)
So there you go..... there are the little 'flies in the ointment' but on the whole life here is good. I miss my family, Catriona and friends, that goes without saying, but its not a bad life here.
More soon.
it’s fantastic!! It is really classPhotos turned out as expected, no real suprises.
News:
I will be moving to a new virtual home soon.
Call back soon for news of when and where! :)
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